Getting used to life with two ...

Life has been interesting lately in our Rank household. Lots of screams ... from two boys fighting for attention. Not fighting against each other, thankfully - no, it seems that they're fighting together as if by requesting more, more might become available. Kind of like how a woman's body knows to produce more milk when more is requested.

Caleb has a strong cry that ramps surprisingly quickly to a blood-curdling scream. Blood-curdling, this is a gross word that seems strangely appropriate ... if you've seen what happens when something curdles, it's certainly not pretty. True to his character, there have only been two times in the car when Graham has said, "Stop it, Stop it, STOP IT!" to Caleb ... the other times he seems to quietly deal with it in his own way - singing or talking to the characters from the books he reads, singing to Caleb, or just gazing off into space. It's neat to see the roots of Graham's character here - it helps me to understand that the other "acting out" episodes we are having may just be par for the course as he tests and learns how to interact with others.

My biggest struggle right now is trying to figure out how to time getting out of the house to accomplish errands - or get to preschool with an element of sanity remaining. Caleb eats in the morning right before I get breakfast together for Graham, and he's ready to go to sleep for his nap before Graham is done eating. Unfortunately he doesn't transfer easily to the carseat. If I let him sleep in his bed which I prefer to do, then he's not up and fed again until 11:30 .. and this is the best time to feed Graham to have him down for his nap at 12:30. Napping G later is an option, but it makes for an ugly evening and a desperate wife begging her husband to hurry home. I am thankful for preschool which forces me to figure out a way to get out and gives me a couple of [short] hours to knock out a few to-dos. I am also thankful Caleb does eventually fall asleep and usually stays asleep for his full nap. These are my silver linings.

For the record, I do remember things begin to settle in a bit more at 6 weeks. That's not so far away - I can wait ... not hoping for too much I hope. I do try to be realistic .....

As if things inside the house weren't interesting enough, another rabbit has taken up residence under our back deck. Lazslow cannot find a moment of rest while the rabbit's scent lingers. In and out, out and in, barking, moaning, wagging, dancing, licking the deck, smelling for it even from inside the sliding glass door. We certainly have had our share of critter interactions - to wit, some of you may remember the squirrel I trapped a few years ago (story) ... Lazslow took the tail off another squirrel, and last fall we found evidence that yet another squirrel had taken up residence in our shed (icky squirrel poop combined with tooth marks into our bone meal and peat moss).

Pat's solution this time is the best so far - he is installing chicken wire along the perimeter of the deck foundation ... burying it a few inches into the ground to frustrate even the most valiant of rabbits. But while this project has been started, the finish will be delayed until we complete the install of our new deck. In the meantime, we get to watch this tiny critter (much smaller than you'd expect) out nibbling the grass. I wish I could convince him to nibble all the leftover crocus greens, but apparently he only likes crocus flowers (!).

Here is G getting his hair cut at Li'l Snippers down the street. Now I know the secret to keeping him calm and still for the clippers is watching Toy Story ... too bad we don't have a TV in the bathroom!

Getting bigger! I think he grew again last night during an extra long early evening sleep.

This is the wallpaper on my phone right now - taken by my friend Alli at the library.

Finally, Caleb's birth story

After work on Monday 4/25 - the day before delivering (the night labor started).

At the hospital, walking around trying to get things to happen more quickly ...

This is where it all went down!

I finally have a few moments to sit and write with both hands, so here's the birth story. I suppose I apologize for the length, but maybe not really, because it's been cathartic, and it will be nice for Caleb to read some day.

Labor started in the middle of the night. Coming back to bed after a bathroom run at 12:30 am, I realized I was having regular contractions. I got so excited I decided to start counting minutes between the pains. Looking back, this was rather foolish since the contractions were relatively easy, and I probably could have slept through them. But I was so excited, and coming at things from such an analytical perspective, I couldn't help but study my body's rhythm.

At some point, Pat and I gathered up the last few items to be added to my "bag," so we could make a run for the hospital when we needed to. Then Pat went back to sleep while I sat up recording minutes.

Finally at about 2:30, Pat suggested I should lay down and try to rest. I did ... and slept for about an hour and a half. Then I woke up around 4:30 and found contractions were about 5.5 minutes apart.

Remembering that my labor with Graham had lasted only 8 hours, we figured we should head to the hospital. We woke Graham around 5:30 and carried him over to the neighbor's house. We told him we were going to the hospital where baby Caleb would come out of Mommy's tummy, and that Daddy would come back and pick him up to meet baby Caleb.

When we got to the hospital they took us to an Assessment room where they found me to be 3 cm dilated. Contractions had slowed to 6 min. My good friend Nicole showed up then. The midwife didn't want to admit me yet, and suggested that I walk around the hospital for a while to see how I progressed. After walking for about an hour and a half, contractions got to be 2.5 minutes apart, and stayed that way until we got back to the Assessment room. But when I laid down for the monitoring, contractions slowed to 6 minutes. I had progressed to 4 cm dilation and 60% effacement.

Apparently 4 cm wasn't enough for the midwife's liking, and she said she was still concerned about admitting me because I might not be progressing fast enough ... she thought I would be more comfortable laboring at home. That did sound attractive to me; I was concerned that I didn't have enough sleep and rest in my system, and might tire too quickly during the labor process.

Looking back, it was definitely advantageous for the midwife - she was at the end of a 24 hour shift that had included a delivery at the other hospital ... and I had declined a pelvic exam at my last prenatal appointment, so she had no way of knowing where I was to start, or how quickly I had progressed to 3 cm that morning. I'm not sure that it was advantageous for me.

We left the hospital around 8:20 am, and came directly home where I laid on the couch and Pat worked on the computer. Contractions stayed about 6.5 minutes apart, but started to become MUCH more intense. I realized I was in more pain than I had been with Graham, and I wanted to be in the birthing pool. So we started to head back to the hospital - we made it back at around 11:35 am. At this point, my hands and feet were getting numb and my hands were actually stuck in a weird claw position ... Pat had to bring me in with a wheelchair.

They took me to the Assessment room again, and found that I was measuring 7 cm, stretchy to 9 cm. Nicole showed up about 10 minutes after we entered the Assessment room, allowing Pat to park the car. A few minutes after he came back, my body shifted gears and all of a sudden it was time to push. It happened so quickly. Suddenly, the room was full of people. As Pat so eloquently put it: "If I'd wanted to vomit, there would have been no place to vomit! I would have had to vomit on Molly!"

Later I found out the midwife was sprinting across the parking lot while all of this was happening (not the same midwife, this was a new shift). She barely made it to see the last couple of pushes. The hospital staff were a bit disorganized; not fully prepared to deliver in this tiny room with limited supplies. Someone found a hand mirror, which really helped me with the pushing process. Having assisted with two deliveries, I knew what I was seeing as Caleb crowned, and it was really encouraging to watch my progress.

It's easy to look back and wish things had been different. I wish I had pushed more slowly, and I wish I had been more in control of my mental faculties. But I know that the body takes over, and the mind goes into a special zone. I heard so many voices saying, "push him out!" ... I saw how little progress I seemed to be making ... and I knew I wasn't leaving that room or getting rid of all those people until I had the baby in my arms - and oh, how I wanted to have him in my arms!

So ... I shifted onto my side, and pushed hard. After 20 minutes of pushing, I watched as he slid out of me and was swooped directly onto my chest. We were both surprised. I can still visualize his arms flailing the first instant he was out, and I can hear his healthy screams - these are precious memories.

Even though the experience was less than desired, here are the fleeting blessings I want to remember from that day. I am thankful that ...

- although I wasn't able to receive him out of the water, the student midwife placed him immediately on my chest - no waiting required.

- in the midst of all the chaos (and possibly because of it), Pat decided to cut the cord. He had been kind of put off by the idea at Graham's birth - it was neat to hear him say, "Well, why not." Perhaps he felt like it was in keeping with the tone of the day.

- the senior water birth nurse was among the first to arrive - she helped to ease the tone and calm the excitement in the room. She is also the one who located the hand mirror which was my source of motivation in pushing.

- Nicole stood beside me and held my hand the entire time my tear was being mended (Pat was watching what the nurses were doing with Caleb).

Last, I find myself thankful that I have two completely different but equally wonderful and miraculous birth experiences.

Caleb is now a healthy four week old. Graham gives him sweet gentle hugs and likes to interpret his cries for me (from the backseat I hear, "Wah Wah, I want my mommy's milk!" and "Wah Wah, I have a burp in my tummy!"). Caleb is alert, eats well, and is learning to sleep well. He was smaller than Graham, so I've enjoyed nestling his tiny little body on my chest, under my chin ... I treasure these moments because I remember how quickly they pass.

Love you all.

Paring Down Our Library

Okay, so maybe "our" library isn't the best reference ... perhaps it's more appropriate to say, "my" library since I know Pat wouldn't claim these and he is part of the impetus to decrease ths size of the library.

Here are the books, let me know if you are interested in any, and I'll set them aside for the next time I see you. Asking price? $2.00 each, open to negotiation, of course. Unless otherwise specified, they are all paperback.

If you live somewhere other than Portland or Boise and you want a few of these, we can work out shipping. Otherwise, I'll take them to Powell's or the Salvation Army.

The Devil Wears Prada, Lauren Weisberger

(2) The Confessions of Max Tivoli, Andrew Sean Greer

The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread, Don Robertson (I love this book! This is an extra copy)

A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

Cliffs Notes for A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

Out, Natsu Kirino

Beyond the Sky and the Earth, A Journey Into Bhutan, Jamie Zeppa

Circle of Friends, Maeve Binchy

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

On Mexican Time, Tony Cohan

The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini

I Know This Much Is True, Wally Lamb

The Professor and the Madman, Simon Winchester (hardcover)

Leap of Faith, Queen Noor

(2) Till We Have Faces, C.S. Lewis

Back When We Were Grownups, Anne Tyler

The Awakening, Kate Chopin

The Reader, Bernhard Schlink

Visiting life, Women Doing Time on the Outside, Bridget Kinsella (hardcover)

Unless, Carol Shields

The Pillars Of the Earth, Ken Follett

The Namesake, Jhumpa Larihi

What is the What, Dave Eggers

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou

Infidel, Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Schlepping Through the Alps, Sam Apple (hardcover)

Nickel & Dimed, Barbara Ehrenreich

Love In the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Message In a Bottle, Nicholas Sparks (hardcover)

The Testament, John Grisham

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson

Women Who Run With the Wolves, Myths and Stories of the Wild Women Archetype, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D.

Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert

The Mermaid Chair, Sue Monk Kidd

The Hound of the Baskervilles, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Revolution, Ron Paul

(2) Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress, Dai Sijie

The Glass Castle, Jeannette Walls

To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf

The Hundred Secret Senses, Amy Tan

(TAKEN) My Sister's Keeper, Jodi Picoult

The Christmas Box Collection (The Christmas Box, Timepiece, The Letter), Richard Paul Evans

One Thousand White Women, Jim Fergus

White Oleander, Janet Fitch

Three Cups of Tea, Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin

The Inheritance of Loss, Kiran Desai

(TAKEN) The Memory Keeper's Daughter, Kim Edwards

Immortality, Milan Kundera

Half the Sky, Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn

The Secret Scripture, Sebastian Barry

The Kindness of Strangers, Edited by Don George (Lonely Planet)

Three by Annie Dillard (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, An American Childhood, The Writing Life), Annie Dillard

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Carson McCullers

Things Fall Apart, Chinua Achebe

Reading Lolita in Tehran, Azar Nafisi

The Double, Jose Saramago

Snow Flower And the Secret Fan, Lisa See

Other books:

Home Buying for Dummies

The Idiots Guide to the Perfect Marriage (a wedding present)

Ten Secrets for the Man in the Mirror, Patrick Morley

8 days old ...

Little Caleb Joel is 8 days old today. Hard to believe the whole birth thing happened a week ago. With Graham, I was six days late, which means, I suppose, that if Caleb had waited as long, he would have been born today (Cinco de Mayo, no less). I'm glad he didn't wait. Although the birth experience might have been slightly less than ideal, it was fast, and he's healthy. Can't ask for much more than that.

Here are a few recent pics. Birth story to follow, as I get it written down per our recollection.