After work on Monday 4/25 - the day before delivering (the night labor started).
At the hospital, walking around trying to get things to happen more quickly ...
This is where it all went down!
I finally have a few moments to sit and write with both hands, so here's the birth story. I suppose I apologize for the length, but maybe not really, because it's been cathartic, and it will be nice for Caleb to read some day.
Labor started in the middle of the night. Coming back to bed after a bathroom run at 12:30 am, I realized I was having regular contractions. I got so excited I decided to start counting minutes between the pains. Looking back, this was rather foolish since the contractions were relatively easy, and I probably could have slept through them. But I was so excited, and coming at things from such an analytical perspective, I couldn't help but study my body's rhythm.
At some point, Pat and I gathered up the last few items to be added to my "bag," so we could make a run for the hospital when we needed to. Then Pat went back to sleep while I sat up recording minutes.
Finally at about 2:30, Pat suggested I should lay down and try to rest. I did ... and slept for about an hour and a half. Then I woke up around 4:30 and found contractions were about 5.5 minutes apart.
Remembering that my labor with Graham had lasted only 8 hours, we figured we should head to the hospital. We woke Graham around 5:30 and carried him over to the neighbor's house. We told him we were going to the hospital where baby Caleb would come out of Mommy's tummy, and that Daddy would come back and pick him up to meet baby Caleb.
When we got to the hospital they took us to an Assessment room where they found me to be 3 cm dilated. Contractions had slowed to 6 min. My good friend Nicole showed up then. The midwife didn't want to admit me yet, and suggested that I walk around the hospital for a while to see how I progressed. After walking for about an hour and a half, contractions got to be 2.5 minutes apart, and stayed that way until we got back to the Assessment room. But when I laid down for the monitoring, contractions slowed to 6 minutes. I had progressed to 4 cm dilation and 60% effacement.
Apparently 4 cm wasn't enough for the midwife's liking, and she said she was still concerned about admitting me because I might not be progressing fast enough ... she thought I would be more comfortable laboring at home. That did sound attractive to me; I was concerned that I didn't have enough sleep and rest in my system, and might tire too quickly during the labor process.
Looking back, it was definitely advantageous for the midwife - she was at the end of a 24 hour shift that had included a delivery at the other hospital ... and I had declined a pelvic exam at my last prenatal appointment, so she had no way of knowing where I was to start, or how quickly I had progressed to 3 cm that morning. I'm not sure that it was advantageous for me.
We left the hospital around 8:20 am, and came directly home where I laid on the couch and Pat worked on the computer. Contractions stayed about 6.5 minutes apart, but started to become MUCH more intense. I realized I was in more pain than I had been with Graham, and I wanted to be in the birthing pool. So we started to head back to the hospital - we made it back at around 11:35 am. At this point, my hands and feet were getting numb and my hands were actually stuck in a weird claw position ... Pat had to bring me in with a wheelchair.
They took me to the Assessment room again, and found that I was measuring 7 cm, stretchy to 9 cm. Nicole showed up about 10 minutes after we entered the Assessment room, allowing Pat to park the car. A few minutes after he came back, my body shifted gears and all of a sudden it was time to push. It happened so quickly. Suddenly, the room was full of people. As Pat so eloquently put it: "If I'd wanted to vomit, there would have been no place to vomit! I would have had to vomit on Molly!"
Later I found out the midwife was sprinting across the parking lot while all of this was happening (not the same midwife, this was a new shift). She barely made it to see the last couple of pushes. The hospital staff were a bit disorganized; not fully prepared to deliver in this tiny room with limited supplies. Someone found a hand mirror, which really helped me with the pushing process. Having assisted with two deliveries, I knew what I was seeing as Caleb crowned, and it was really encouraging to watch my progress.
It's easy to look back and wish things had been different. I wish I had pushed more slowly, and I wish I had been more in control of my mental faculties. But I know that the body takes over, and the mind goes into a special zone. I heard so many voices saying, "push him out!" ... I saw how little progress I seemed to be making ... and I knew I wasn't leaving that room or getting rid of all those people until I had the baby in my arms - and oh, how I wanted to have him in my arms!
So ... I shifted onto my side, and pushed hard. After 20 minutes of pushing, I watched as he slid out of me and was swooped directly onto my chest. We were both surprised. I can still visualize his arms flailing the first instant he was out, and I can hear his healthy screams - these are precious memories.
Even though the experience was less than desired, here are the fleeting blessings I want to remember from that day. I am thankful that ...
- although I wasn't able to receive him out of the water, the student midwife placed him immediately on my chest - no waiting required.
- in the midst of all the chaos (and possibly because of it), Pat decided to cut the cord. He had been kind of put off by the idea at Graham's birth - it was neat to hear him say, "Well, why not." Perhaps he felt like it was in keeping with the tone of the day.
- the senior water birth nurse was among the first to arrive - she helped to ease the tone and calm the excitement in the room. She is also the one who located the hand mirror which was my source of motivation in pushing.
- Nicole stood beside me and held my hand the entire time my tear was being mended (Pat was watching what the nurses were doing with Caleb).
Last, I find myself thankful that I have two completely different but equally wonderful and miraculous birth experiences.
Caleb is now a healthy four week old. Graham gives him sweet gentle hugs and likes to interpret his cries for me (from the backseat I hear, "Wah Wah, I want my mommy's milk!" and "Wah Wah, I have a burp in my tummy!"). Caleb is alert, eats well, and is learning to sleep well. He was smaller than Graham, so I've enjoyed nestling his tiny little body on my chest, under my chin ... I treasure these moments because I remember how quickly they pass.
Love you all.
